Four Things that Kills a Relationship:
No one really knows how long a relationship will remain, but the Professor John Gottman can probably tell whether you will be happy after or before the breakup. In some research that was published earlier this year, Gottman, who has been analyzing relationships for more than 40 years, studied couples for the length of their relationships to understand why people break-up. Four factors were found by Gottman, and if a couple’s relationship was overrun with these then the chances are more they would divorce/break-up around six years into their marriage. The factors were:
1). Criticism: All partners moan about each other — from leaving the washing up to being late for dinner — but destructive criticism (when you criticize their personality) is harmful to a relationship, says Gottman. For example: “You’re late because you don’t care about me.” This type of criticism, that suggests the other person is bad or wrong at some deeper level, “strikes at the heart of the other person”.
2). Contempt: Gottman found that having contempt for a partner was the biggest reason for divorce. The contempt which includes sarcasm, name-calling, mimicking, and eye-rolling makes the other person feel worthless.
3). Defensiveness: When someone consistently makes excuses for their mistakes, it can signal the end, says Gottman. This is worse when partners try to score points off one another on top of being frustrating.
4). Stonewalling: This is when someone cuts off all communication there are no attempts or effort to respond or connect with their partner. Stonewalling can be a result of continued criticism, contempt, and defensiveness
